


Hold On, I Still Need You

by tinyscales



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Wolfstar, Getting Back Together, Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black Lives, Sickfic, St Mungo's Hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyscales/pseuds/tinyscales
Summary: James hadn’t spoken to Regulus in years. They’d broken up around the time that Regulus had taken the dark mark and James had finally started dating Lily not long after. It had been painful, even with the comfort of Lily, to watch Regulus deteriorate so much. He wasn’t cut out for dark magic, there was just too much good in him. And now he had proven it by betraying you-know-who and ending up half-dead in the process.
Relationships: Regulus Black/James Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 195





	Hold On, I Still Need You

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from 'Hold On' by Chord Overstreet, whom I've just realised is the dude from Glee.

Sirius was waiting in the reception when James emerged from one of the fireplaces at St Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. He looked exhausted, with deep bags under his eyes and his skin was dry and cracked from stress. Somehow he seemed much older than he had just two days before when James had seen him last. 

“You okay, mate?” James asked, reaching his arms out for a hug as soon as he was close enough. Sirius leant into the embrace, clinging to the back of James’ denim jacket with shaky hands. “Stupid question.”

“Nah, it’s alright,” Sirius tried for convincing but came up empty. He looked back towards the fireplace and gave a heavy sigh. “I promise I won’t be too long. There are just a few things I need to sort before Reg wakes up. I wouldn’t have asked you to stay, but…” 

“But you don’t want to risk him waking up on his own,” James finished, “Don’t worry about it, Pads. I’ll watch over him until you get back.”

“Thanks,” Sirius said, gave James one last squeeze, then headed towards the fireplace and vanished. 

James hadn’t spoken to Regulus in years. They’d broken up around the time that Regulus had taken the dark mark and James had finally started dating Lily not long after. It had been painful, even with the comfort of Lily, to watch Regulus deteriorate so much. He wasn’t cut out for dark magic, there was just too much good in him. And now he had proven that by betraying you-know-who and ending up half-dead in the process. 

As James sat by Regulus’ hospital bed, his warm-toned hands a contrast against the sickly pale of Regulus’ own, he couldn’t help but feel proud of him. 

“I knew you had it in you,” he whispered, stroking his thumb gently over Regulus’ hand. “I just wish you could have done things a little less dramatically. But you are Sirius’ brother, after all. I should have expected nothing less.”

Regulus didn’t answer. Stayed silent and still, his eyes closed, his flesh cold. He’d taken in a lot of water, the healers had explained, but he’d survive. A few days worth of rest and then he should be able to go home. Depending, of course, on whether or not the Order believed Kreacher’s story about the locket, cave and inferi.

Just thinking of Regulus’ ordeal made James shiver and his stomach tie in knots. 

“I wish you felt you could have come to me. I wish I’d fought for you. If I could go back, I’d throw you over my shoulder and force you to come and live at my parents’ house when Sirius left. You’re not all that heavy - Sirius and I probably wouldn’t have had to take turns carrying you.”

James tried to smile, tried to distract himself from the reality he was facing. I wasn’t working.

“Merlin, I’ve missed you, Reggie.” His voice cracked on the last word and James buried his face in his hands. His heart ached, his throat grew tight. James had always loved so fiercely and he’d never been very good at turning that emotion off. He’d had to break up with Lily in the end, because no matter how hard he'd tried to forget what being with Regulus had been like, how the man had felt curled up in his arms - he just couldn’t. He couldn’t stop loving Regulus. And maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t supposed to stop.

“I still think about you all the time,” He admitted into his hands. His voice sounded too loud in the quiet room. “Think about where we’d be if things had been different. We might have had our own place by now; Sirius and Remus just got a flat. It’s hard to get through the front door thanks to all of Moony’s books but it seems nice enough. 

“I’d want us to get a house, I think. Nothing too fancy, just someplace with a garden where you could grow your plants and a big enough kitchen so we could make breakfast together. Of course, I’d get us one of those muggle televisions you’re so scared of and we could watch dumb rom-coms before bed: me sprawled on the sofa and you standing in the doorway refusing to come in.”

James’ eyes felt wet. He cleared his throat.

“Please wake up, Reggie.” He whispered as he wiped at a tear sliding down his cheek. He set his jaw and a wave of determination washed over him, filling his chest with hope. “I promise, things are going to be better now. I don’t care what I have to do, I’m going to make us better. This fucking war - we’re going to survive it. Me, you, Pads, Moony, Wormtail: we’re all going to make it. And we’re going to get that damn house with the garden and the kitchen and the television - and we’re going to be happy. Happy, safe and together. I won’t let you down.”

The room lapsed back into silence and James sat back against his chair, his head leaning against the wall. He felt a little dumb talking to himself and hoped half-heartedly that there hadn’t been a healer nearby listening in. That would have been embarrassing. 

Sighing, he took Regulus’ hand again. It was still cold, still too pale. He brought it up to meet his mouth and pressed a chaste kiss to the younger man’s palm. 

“I still love you,” he muttered and closed his eyes.

“I love you, too.”

James almost leapt from his seat. His cheek burned red and he gripped Regulus’ wrist so hard that it  _ must _ have hurt. “You’re-” he faltered.

“Awake, yes,” Regulus croaked, his grey eyes glittering with amusement.

“And how long have you been awake?”

“The whole time, you idiot.”

“Oh. Cool.” Then James paused, his stomach fluttered, “You love me, too?”

“That’s what I said,” Regulus rolled his eyes like he found James’ mere presence exhausting, but he was smiling. “Merlin, you Gryffindors are slow.”

James didn’t bother reacting to that. He leaned over Regulus and brought his hand up to cup his soft cheek. “I love you,” He said sincerely, deeply. Then he closed the distance between them and kissed Regulus like he was the most precious thing in the world - because to James, he was.

When they pulled apart Regulus was pink and breathless and looked slightly dazed. He ran his tongue across his bottom lip. James followed the motion. For a moment, the two just stared at each other, unable to believe they were here again, that despite the odds not being in their favour, they had fallen back together. 

Then Regulus scowled. “I’m not afraid of the fucking television.”

And yeah, it was like they’d never been apart. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [@babie-snakes](https://babie-snakes.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Come hang out!


End file.
